


Season 15 Meta

by ladykjane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Meta, Nonfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:46:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladykjane/pseuds/ladykjane
Summary: Episode Meta notes and analysis for Season 15. (This includes discussion of canonical MCD.)
Kudos: 1





	1. 15x01 Back and to the Future

Writer: Dabb  
Director: Showalter

alright folks lets speedrun this season: all notes are written post-15x18, but incorporate some notes/conversations from the date of airing, depending on the episode.

1\. They make sure to get a reminder of Chuck’s “Welcome to the End” in there, and I appreciate that. They’re driving it home: last ride, kids.

2\. I really like this set, still. The Carver crypt (mausoleum? I think they refer to it later as a crypt). A neat little visual pun announcing the S15 goal: it’s about death of the author and freedom from the narrative. Just visually it’s also a really good space for these scenes, with the pillars and earthly things hanging from the ceiling. Love the way they use it to block out spaces and groups of characters, and use the patches of shadows and light.

3\. I like how they didn’t go too broad ranging with this “everyone released from Hell” thing. They pick a few Winchester-specific things (clowns, women in white, ghosts and Bloody Mary) (Bloody Mary is a good shout, with the mirrors, reflections of who they were, etc etc) to emphasise that it’s the Winchesters being haunted by their own, literal, past. They don’t have to just re-defeat old enemies, they have to destroy their past for good.

4\. There’s another distinct link to the past as Belphagor and Dean discuss Hell; not just in general terms, but specific enough to callback to Dean’s time in Hell, with the mentions of Alastair and torture. It’s not nice Crossroads Hell, it’s the real proper dark part of it. And speaking of, interesting that Belphagor is also all about the pushing Dean and Cas’s buttons with regards to each other, and he deliberately works to increase the rift between them without the other knowing. I really like the way this is done; knowing Belphagor’s plan, it’s manipulation to ensure he can get Cas away alone later, but it’s also reminding us of this rift that already exists and needs to be dealt with.

5\. Sam is incredibly leadership orientated through this, and I don’t even think he realises he’s doing it. He just deals with shit and gets it done, sometimes slightly incompetently, but with self-assurance. Sam! He’s a grown up! He’s going to end up running a giant hunter network and letting his kids grow up in a healthy community of truth!

6\. There’s a distinct contrast all through this ep, as Sam is focused on saving people, and Dean is left … looking for a heart. Basically the theme of the season, isn’t it? Sam is stepping up as a leader, coordinating the approach of the hunter guardians whilst he shepherds everyone to safety. Meanwhile Dean goes on his own individual mission, motivated by his new weird demonic sidekick, to find a human heart. Almost like it’s a hint … Dean … find the heart … well who knows what that could possibly mean hmm Dabb

7\. Visually the first half of the episode works better, I still don’t love that the second half is all daylight and open spaces. On the other hand, I guess that’s kind of a metaphor, dragging the show out of the shadows and forcing everyone to look at what’s really scary in the light. It’s not the ghosts, for sure, stood in the centre of an open daytime street. The fear in this episode is regarding what’s real, and we already know ghosts are real.

8\. This whole episode lingers on highlighting both sides of Cas, which is a nice touch. Even right at the start, with the “I won’t starve” comment. He’s angelic, supernatural enough to be a spell ingredient and a healer, a little frightening and otherworldly to the woman and her daughter. But he’s using human weapons, shotguns and rocks, and running away from ghosts. It’s in his interactions with Belphegor/Jack that it’s most clear; Cas can see the demon by dint of his angelic nature, but when he tells Dean he can’t even look at [Belphegor], it’s because of the emotions it elicits to see Jack’s corpse.

9\. I guess I have to include a Dean/Cas retrospective note in every one of these because … well. Anyway: They bounce off each other in crypt in dealing with Belphagor, with an interesting role reversal as Cas is driven by his emotional reaction and Dean taking the detached, logical stand. But their one direct interaction this episode is that blunt “are you okay” by the car, where Dean doesn’t really even wait for Cas’s response. It’s cold and it hurts and it makes perfect sense; Dean has to ask, because he’s Dean and he does actually care if Cas is okay, but he’s pissed. With Cas, and with his entire existence. He literally tells us so in the next scene. It doesn’t give us a lot, but it sets up the scene in the next episode just about perfectly.

—-

Still not my favourite episode, but I can’t deny it’s a good season opener. It sets up the rest of S15 really damn well.


	2. 15x02 Raising Hell

Writers: Ross-Lemming & Buckner  
Director: Singer

I can’t believe I went back and actually watched a BRL episode for this, as I have retained my policy of not watching their episodes for nigh-on six years (or something like, I actually can’t remember). Either which way, it's been a while, I don't love them.

Anyway my main take here was boring, boring, drab. With a few important scenes that were so clearly tagged in “you must include this for the arc”, which I think is pretty obvious even without the benefit of hindsight.

1\. Unsubtle :( Although, to give BRL some credit (sort of?), they were given three threads to incorporate and they did do that, very clearly and distinctly in big writing. Dean/Cas, Leader Sam, Chuck and Amara. On the other hand, just the cold open was deeply unpleasant nonsense that I actively recoiled from. (Seeing someone wearing a face covering is also quite disconcerting now in a way it wasn’t 12 months ago, but I can’t blame them for that.)

2\. The Dean/Cas conversation, jfc, actually brutal. And it’s exactly as it seems; we don’t need to dig into subtext here, it’s sat right there in front of us.

> CASTIEL: Even if we didn’t know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck’s machinations, how would we describe it all? We’d call it “life”. Because that’s precisely what life is. It’s an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own moves. And mostly, we did well with that.
> 
> DEAN: Did we? I’ll tell you what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we’ve lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice. I can’t.
> 
> CASTIEL: Dean. You asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

There is a wild contrast between their approaches here. Cas knows this isn’t what was planned for him, knows he’s been reset and rewired a thousand times, knows he was supposed to kill Dean and failed, etc etc etc. Dean never knew about any of that, so he doesn’t understand how much Cas has chosen not to follow the plans given to him. Dean is actively rejecting everything in his life that he thinks Chuck put there. And of course, Cas is top of the list; he’s already pissed at Cas because of Jack and Mary, but it’s more than that. Cas is an Angel of the Lord - even if we don’t think of him that way so much anymore - and he’s the most direct connection to Chuck that has persistently stuck around in Dean’s life, putting Dean through emotional hell because Dean cares about him. And now Dean’s wondering whether Cas was just a perpetual torment machine left by Chuck to mess him up.

Also: beautifully shot scene. The light gently glowing on solid, unmoving Cas, and Dean’s restless shifting through darkness? Nice.

3\. First scene for Sam is continuing to organise a mass evacuation and liase with (fake?) EPA techs and the town and Sam is like an actual public official right now. I’m not saying he’s doing the best job, but he’s also not doing the worst job, and he’s definitely pulling it off. That’s basically Sam’s role in this episode: be a Leader. He doesn’t need Dean, he doesn’t need Cas, he can do this.

4\. I do not care for Ketch. He should’ve stayed dead.

5\. I had to read the transcript of this episode to remind myself what happened, and even that’s boring. I have nothing to say about Kevin. I guess he was there.

6\. The Chuck and Amara scenes are genuinely interesting though. We see Amara emersing herself in the universe that Chuck created. She’s doing yoga and playing craps (she’s playing craps! What a gaming choice! Gamble it all on a single roll of two dice, that’s my girl. Chuck would never) and dressing up fancy. Chuck is the same as always, and now he’s also weakened with his story is unravelling and he can’t get it back under control.

> AMARA: Don’t. Even on your best day, you couldn’t force my hand. And this is not your best day. In fact, I don’t think you can do much of anything. Ah, a few parlor tricks, perhaps, but you can’t leave this world, not without my help. And me? I’m done, Chuck. I’ve changed. I’ve adapted. I’ve… I’ve become the better me. And you? You are still the same… petulant, narcissistic. So… I’m leaving you here. Once, long ago, you sealed me away. Now, in a way… I’m doing the same to you. You’re trapped, diminished, abandoned. So I guess you got what you’ve always wanted. You’re on your own.

Amara is right. Chuck represents the old narratives, unchanging and repetitive, and we know that story won’t cut it any more. (I know God doesn’t play dice Chuck, but you gotta learn to play craps.) 


	3. 15x03 The Rupture

Writer: Berens  
Director: Beeson (what a combination))

the speedrun continues

1\. Not actually Berens’ best episode but it’s still good because I love him. Is that a legit quantifiable reason? Don’t care, moving on.

2\. The aesthetic is on point from the off, with the ghostly fireworks and that walk through the beautifully dappled sunlight in the cemetery. Time to return to the Carver crypt, and of course we should know this plan isn’t going to work. This isn’t a Carver narrative anymore, boys.

3\. Witch!Sam is my favourite Sam and I will not be taking questions at this time.

4\. Feel like there’s some kind of thing with the whole angry-battering-yourself-against-the-walls-until-death-consumes-everyone but I can’t quite put my finger on it. (I can: Dean, does it sound familiar? Dean refuses to sit within the walls and wait, he burns through his anger.) (Additionally: really like that distinction of “glorified fanboy”.)

5\. Three episodes in and we’re continuing the throughline of Sam and Dean acting independently like normal human beings. Or as normal as is possible considering the circumstances. There are no arguments here about protecting each other or not taking risks. They’re just on it, and I know it feels like stating the obvious at a late stage but really, it’s such a mark of the slow steady character development. If you mark the start of Dabb era as 11x17, and look at where they are now, it’s kind of astonishingly well done. I’ve been here all the time watching it, but I still have to sit back and marvel sometimes. 

Dean’s the one to volunteer to be the lone fulcrum (heart) of the whole thing, just like he has been in every episode so far. ~*themes*~

6\. Cas is so suspicious of Belphegor, and I’m living for it. Cas is smart, but more importantly, he’s really not playing to the narrative demands. Anyway, Dean’s casual volunteering of Cas is still heartbreaking. Dean is still so mad at Cas but also at Jack; no matter how much he said that Belphegor and Jack aren’t the same, it’s been pretty clear that he still sees Jack there (that moment in the car in 15x01, Dean is more skeeved out about the gorgeous comment because it’s from Jack than anything). So he’s saying to Cas here, Jack’s your problem, you deal with it … as well as continuing to just be angry and reactionary and rejecting everybody who has ever indicated they care for him in any way. Dean’s stuck on a mantra of nothing-is-real, and so what does it matter? Plus, obviously, this continues to be part of Belphegor’s machinations from earlier. He drove that wedge in deep, the little demonic bastard.

7\. Still don’t care for Ketch.

8\. The lighting in Hell is very flattering and I love that shot of Belphegor beneath the window. Anyway, Cas is really taking things for himself this episode, y’know? He looks at this stupid double crossing manipulative asshole and says fuck you, I hate your entire being. And then as Belphegor’s plan unfolds, Cas says fuck the plan, I’m making a decision and ending this. I admire that level of conviction, and I also appreciate Cas again being that combination of human and angelic. He punches Belphegor out before he smites him; he succumbs to those human emotions before he reacts as an angel to Belphegor’s blatent attempt to manipulate him one last time. (You’re not going to believe this, but I didn’t actually think about the extended implications until I was writing this. Does kind of apply though, doesn’t it? Cas just keeps doing that.)

9\. Witch!sam though <3 Sam has always been the one who will embrace the supernatural if it’ll get him what he wants. I’ve always loved this death connection lingering between Sam and Rowena, because they’re so similar and ruthless and will do what they need to, to get what they want. I get the whole bad trope thing here, but within the context of what they’re doing and what they set up, I’m fine with it.

I very much love how this is edited, cutting between Rowena telling Sam to kill her, and Cas telling Dean he killed Belphegor and their plan. With a season of hindsight, there’s a long echo here about Sam sacrificing Rowena to save everyone, and Cas sacrificing himself to save Dean.

10\. These last two scenes! Exquisite suffering! I think it’s worth saying here that Dean still doesn’t get it; there IS a choice, and Sam has to live with the choice he made, and that’s why he’s sad. Partly because it was the right choice, even if it wasn’t the easy one, and Dean justifying it as part of the narrative doesn’t make it better. The blocking in this scene is immaculate, by the way. They’re not on the same page at all, even physically. Dean is so messed up right now.

11\. Opening this very final scene with Dean having his back to the camera? To the audience? It’s such an isolating image. And then when he moves across to deliberately put the table between himself and Cas? Doesn’t sit down? Doesn’t look at Cas until he has to? He’s making it uncomfortable on purpose. He’s so angry. When he does face up to Cas, he’s squaring up for a fight before Cas really even says anything. Cas never stood a chance, because Dean was so determined not to let him. And yet it’s clear the whole time that Dean is so conflicted about this. He can’t detach himself, even when he’s actively trying to. He’s holding on to his anger so hard, but it’s still not enough to make it painless. God, he’s such a dumbass.

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate/suffer the decision to have Cas not turn around until he tells him “it’s time for me to move on”, jfc. One last look.


	4. 15x04 Atomic Monsters

Writer: Perez  
Director: Ackles

jfc this episode must be added as required viewing for everyone at all times

1\. This is probably my favourite episode all season and that’s at least 80% because it’s so damn pretty. Actually that’s a lie, the pretty is an added bonus, but it’s so nice to get an episode that’s actually aesthetically living again. (Genuinely though, this episode is beautifully directed, there’s a lot to thread here in a coherent way and he pulls it all together perfectly, and then it also looks really good? Damn, he’s good.)

2\. The cold open though? I rewatched it four times today and I will rewatch it again. It’s just … everyone is very hot, thank you Ackles for making this 100% More than it needed to be.

3\. Anyway Sam has spooky dreams with an incredible aesthetic, which is understandably pretty shocking for him. That these are actually Chuck’s narrative explorations makes so much sense; he’s dragging back old characters like Benny to try and force his Winchesters back into their old conflicts. He wants them to die killing each other, Dean as the hero and Sam as the rebellious villain, like he tried before.

4\. The choice to start this with a kitchen scene that is almost painfully normal, god. It almost works too; there’s a sense of desperation to Dean as he lists off losing Jack and Rowena and then there’s a whole big space in that list where Cas should sit, and sure, makes sense that Dean is clinging to normality and finding easy cases, convincing Sam to go with him even though Sam is absolutely right, about all of it; Dean doesn’t need him for a case like this, Dean isn’t reading the context clues (Meat Man), and it’s not veggie bacon. Subtextually? So obvious that Dean is still Chuck’s character, feeding on anger and hunting and bacon. (I’m joking about the bacon but I’m also not; Chuck is pushing Dean back into the old mould here, where Dean is a Man who only eats Bacon and Coffee for breakfast.)

5\. And then the contrast: Dean pushes for the case, they get there, and Sam’s the one leading the investigation. Being all judgey and tall to these horrible parental figures. Dean has obviously done his side of things but a) we don’t see it, and b) they’re working individually agan. Interesting that we see Dean actively drinking on the job again here, vs the last three episodes where he was drinking like a normal functional alcoholic (ie. at the end of the day). The one major change? Cas left, and Dean pushed him to it. Let’s breathe in that S7-esque air, folks. Also, it’ might be because Sam is talking about how they’re holders of the truth and everyone else gets to live normally, and Dean is just being reminded of everything Chuck forced him to miss out on. It’s that juxtaposition of Dean walking in the role but not truly engaging in it? Chuck’s writing him into a box that doesn’t work for him anymore. 

6\. I made some kind of noise the first time I saw this ep when Becky returned, and even now it sends a shiver down my spine. For very different reasons, but still. The meta-narrative here is so good and it’s been written about a thousand times already but this episode! This episode! Where they explicitly make the show writer’s avatar into the villain! Whomst among us could have dreamed that this show would lean so heavily into its own established meta canon that they would cast themselves as the villains writing repetitive stale narratives? That the characters are now fighting and need to escape? Just the way the conversation unfolds; Becky makes it clear she was in love with Sam Winchesters’ character, not actual Sam Winchester, and she’s made the distinction that Chuck can’t grasp. Chuck is still focused on the monsters - the jab at Leviathan! - and he’s missing the important part. The characters have to grow, and other authors are allowing them to do that. But Chuck, still in charge, can’t let it go. (Also, Chuck’s dismissal of all the female-led suggestions, despite seeking them out to make himself feel better? What a commentary.)

7\. Back with the Winchesters, Dean is continuing to comfort eat and talk to mascots and then we get this whole bitterly fake speech from this girl missing her best friend, who verbalises such insincerity whilst Dean is suffering in silence. A kick in the heart.

The slide in the edit from the meta Chuck-Becky plot to the Winchester plot, the implicit indication that Chuck has been writing the entire actual ongoing episode? Just, be still my beating heart. 

8\. The family dynamics. Bad parents sustaining their broken children, unable to finish what needs to be ended. The vampire feeding off the girls, consuming their lifeblood to live. Such a reflection of Chuck’s attitude this whole episode. And then the criticism Becky levels at Chuck’s story as a criticism of the episode itself; low stakes, poor villains, repetitive, no mention of Cas? Rolling on from that, it’s noticeable that whilst the episode makes clear that Chuck as the author needs fan feedback to make his narrative work, Chuck rejects the criticism Becky gives him. (Particularly note: no Cas. Cas is visually in the background all the time whilst Chuck and Becky talk, but Chuck refuses to consider him important.) So then Chuck leans into his preferred tragedy; the Winchesters killing each other, again. Fans are NOT going to love it, and it’s not where Dabb & co. are going; they understand the villainy of doing that, which is why they’re making it the conflict of the season. The tension here is as much to do with our trust of the actual writers as the writer avatar, which is a deliciously meta choice to play with.

9\. Outside the meta narrative - sort of - another episode where the heart is the crux of it all. Billy hears Susie’s heartbeat which triggers him into “kill[ing] someone who he loves” and then his parents are willing to do anything for their love of him. It’s all about love, all the time. Sacrifices for love, all the time.

10\. And then, final scene, ooof. There’s a lot going on here. They’d have been the bad parents for Jack, because love makes you do stupid things. Dean acknowledges that they’ve lost too much, but again, Sam and Dean aren’t on the same wavelength. Dean is still working for other people, he isn’t choosing for himself. He’s still not breaking free from it, moving on, even as he says he is. The contrast between what he’s saying and what he’s doing, and Sam calls him on it. Sam talks about Jess, how he can never forget that; the implication of the people that Dean isn’t acknowledging the loss of. Contrast Dean’s “moving on” with Cas’s “moving on” last episode; they’re stuck in the cycle and they can’t escape, because Chuck won’t let them. Yet.


	5. 15x05 Proverbs 17:3

Writer: Yockey  
Director: Speight Jr.

actually love this episode thank you yockey for this parting gift

Proverbs 17:3 “The crucible is for refining silver and the smelter for gold, but the one who purifies hearts is the Lord”

1\. This is such a Chuck cold open. There’s an air of old-school SPN, vaguely misogynistic horror tropes as the girls get picked off by the monster. It feels almost … wait did she just say “eleven years of not dying from exposure”? She did, huh. Well, I laughed, thanks Yockey.

2\. I do deeply appreciate this dumbass scene with the chili jerky. I just like seeing them being siblings. Also, nice metaphor for Dean committing to incredibly stupid things even when Sam tells him not to, obviously.

3\. Speaking of siblings, this leads smoothly into our next bad-Chuck ending scenario. It’s kind of delicious, isn’t it, that they’re playing with the conflict of the Winchesters as two narratives, rather than actual Winchester conflict? The Winchesters on our screens are acting like healthy siblings, no real arguments, competently and independently getting shit done without falling into their previously toxic BS. But we keep seeing these scenes of them at odds, murdering each other in a thousand ways, and it feels jarring exactly because it’s such a contrast to where they really are now. Clever conflict storytelling.

4\. We’re finally on the case and whilst I’d love to spend a while discussing Dean refusing to face the passage of time vs Sam’s much healthier outlook, I’m way more into: FISH HAT. We see fish as set dressing all the time to indicate a room where someone is about to be baited/trapped, but here it’s literally slapped on their foreheads. It’s a trap boys, not all is as it seems!

5\. This is where I really love what this episode becomes, and it dovetails so neatly with the previous 15x04. The narrative detours, going from what is formulaic for SPN to … not. The moment the POV slides into the house with the werewolf brothers, it’s so painfully on the nose with the parallels that it hurts, is almost awkwardly _bad writing_. It’s jarring and weird and it’s supposed to feel like it.

6\. The costuming change from Ashley in the hospital to Lilith’s yellow splashes of colour at the motel is beautifully done. 

7\. This goddamn episode! This _season_! More hearts being consumed! I adore the structure and pacing here, it’s so clever and disorientating. We know it’s too early for the bad guys to be defeated, and yet here we are? Except then, no, not. It doesn’t end how any of us expect, Winchesters or audience, and we’re left unmoored for a second, punctuated by the moment Lilith falls. It makes me do the little shocked inhale every time I watch! It’s so perfectly timed! The entire unravelling of the entire episode in that second! Again, back to the set-up in 15x04; Chuck is writing repetitive stories, bad villains, low stakes, trying to wrangle the Winchesters to kill each other. He’s roping in yet another woman to do the work for him, and Lilith is a great call back (that they set up really nicely with the whole namecheck in 15x03, tbh). The bad writing really is bad writing.

8\. Conflict resolution vs the werewolf brothers? Dean and Sam acting rationally and sensibly? We’re into another conflict dream! They’re really hammering it home; Chuck does not want this ending. So we’re on reruns again, this time with MoC Dean, and hello Shirt, nice to see you again, the costuming department really showing off this episode. And in reality? Sam and Dean are split up (albeit briefly, but it’s enough for them to come up with independent plans that work). Working together is Chuck running the game; when they work on their own, Chuck isn’t keeping control of the narrative. Everything the show is telling us is that these boys are ready to split up and pursue their own stories, but he keeps forcing them back together to try to reach his ideal ending … which is not the ending we’re heading toward.

9\. Several important things in this final scene:

  1. Reiterates the split from Cas. Sam is the one trying to get in touch, but neither of them have actually spoken to Cas since the break up. Cas is off the board whilst Chuck is trying to reestablish control.
  2. “some form of messed up PTSD” is not actually a bad guess from Sam, let us be honest and clear here
  3. Note the united front of Sam and Dean as they realise Chuck is still trying to control their existence; there is no existing conflict between these two men. Dean’s primary external conflict is with Cas (and we know Cas is outside of Chuck’s control), and Sam’s … Sam’s actually pretty chill right now?




	6. 15x06 Golden Time

Writer: Glynn  
Director: Showalter

My favourite Glynn episode! Vying for the “favourite episode of the season” spot, tbh, but there’s a lot of contenders this year.

1\. I am enjoying (read: suffering) that we get a recap of Dean and Cas’ break up from 15x03 in every episode since.

2\. Neat editing with the music on the cold open.

3\. Another zero-conflict-between-siblings scene to start us off, except of course it’s a little bit grim because it’s the Winchesters. Dean is in full-depression mode (me, the week before 15x18, but it’s amazing what a declaration of love will do for you), and Sam is indeed hunting for signs of God … in pizza toppings. It’s not going well for these idiots.

4\. Meanwhile! Castiel! A functional human being! Going to the shop, holding normal conversations with other normal humans! Two things here:

  1. It’s a _fishing shop_. So usually, fish = trap/bait. Except maybe when it comes to Cas, because for Cas, fishing is linked to Dean (who we saw just last episode wearing that stupid fish hat). Interesting? Yes.
  2. Cas is genuinely acting like an average human being. He’s living like a normal human, renting a cabin and having acquaintances in town and pursuing hobbies. And like a normal human _hunter_ , of course, a case turns up.



5\. Sam runs! And Eileen! yay Sam/Eileen endgame! (I think this scene is really well shot, and it’s perfect for Sam. Sam responds to an unsettling moment with literally active choices, he reacts warily but without panic to indications of a ghost, he is surprised but not staggeringly amazed to see Eileen; you can see the realisation as he figures it out. Sam is smart, and self-assured, and not wallowing in cereal and predictable TV like some people we won’t mention.) 

6\. I love this corridor scene, where they conclude by heading in different directions. Visual staging to reaffirm the dynamic! Sam is extra motivated because it’s Eileen, and it’s not that Dean doesn’t care, but Dean doesn’t have the same motivation because he doesn’t have the same emotional connection with Eileen, but also, with anyone. From Dean’s POV right now, none of Dean’s emotional connections are real, nothing is real, Chuck controls the story, what’s the point.

7\. The receptionist is reading a book called Lovers Quarrel, and checking the screencaps was absolutely worth it to discover that little gem.

8\. Clarence Worley, well. My buddy @yarnyfan got this one covered, to be honest.  
[tweet 22 Nov 2019 17:33 "Not just Clarence but CLARENCE WORLEY the protagonist of True Romance who was supposed to die at the end but the director said 'nah' and rewrote the ending so he and his gf/wife WHO HAD PIE ON THEIR FIRST DATE got to live out a happy life in Mexico *dies twice*]

I’d love to have some in-depth, coherent discussion here regarding Cas making connections with a parent losing a son, then not recognising the djinn (not very angelic), and then making a point of classifying himself as a higher power than the authority figure but … THE PHONE CALL. christ. 30s of poor sweet suffering for everyone. It’s such a short, but beautifully crafted moment; of course Dean takes the call, of course Dean isn’t interested in playing his role; reiterate, Dean thinks Chuck is controlling the story. But he does want to speak to Cas, wants to make sure Cas has the information he needs to make sure he’s safe. It’s Cas that doesn’t want to talk to Dean here. Cas is pissed; he’s trying to move on, after all, to emotionally disconnect. But _Dean cares even when Dean doesn’t want to_. And then, “I don’t know if you care or not”, AHHHHH. SCREAMING FOREVER.

Anyway, there’s a little tinge of bitterness to that “yes sir” after Dean hangs up. Cas is frustrated (the deeply human frustrated little knuckle to the eye) because no matter what Cas does, Dean is still there being Dean and Cas knows it’s real. For Cas, it’s all real, all the time, and Dean Winchester is a _fucking dumbass_.

10\. Meanwhile, we got witches all tied up in deeply unhealthy sibling relationships trying to bring a sister back from the dead, which all sounds terribly familiar as we look back at S1-11 of Supernatural, vs Sam trying to resurrect someone he loves who has explicitly asked to be saved. It’s … it’s almost like there’s some kind of message about unhealthy familial relationships needing to change? Maybe some hint that healthy equal-partnership non-familial love is more rewarding?

11\. “Back in ‘08, all the bosses promised big changes” … okay I laughed, couldn’t help it.

This speech is important, but I’ll get to that later. What’s interesting here is that Melly gets her son back without fighting the monster, the monster comes later. Caleb is a competent kid on his way home.

12\. Thematically, it’s a nice touch that Sam is being manipulated into playing a role by a woman holding a little puppet figure of him. Seems apt.

13\. Cas stabs the dream-eater to death, after denouncing “selfish little men in positions of authority. You take what you want, you take who you want. And you believe that your power will protect you. Well, it won’t protect you from me.” (Not to go back over a point but it’s like there’s a hint of a message in here somewhere, maybe?)

14\. Back over in witch plot A, Dean turns up to help, except all he gets is a threat to “Grind your heart to dust”. Dean’s heart is really in trouble this season; he’s been seeking hearts and saving hearts and getting his heart ground to dust every episode so far.

Sam and Eileen have got it covered anyway, because they’re an extremely badass team up and power couple who have both been dead at least once.

15\. Another two things for Cas: he can heal from being shot, but he struggles to heal Caleb. Cas’s power is still intermittent and weak. He’s losing his angelic connections.

And we also get the neat wrap-up on Melly’s comment earlier:

> MELLY: Trust me, I get it. I used to work in finance. Back in '08, all the bosses promised big changes, but nothing really changes, so I cashed out, took the kid, moved here. Thing is, taking yourself out of the game doesn’t really change the game. But I had to, for Caleb, who says moving here ruined his life. Half the time, we’re at each other’s throats.

where Cas tells her at the end, “ If I stay [away], nothing changes. It’s time for me to get back in the game.” To a certain extent, we have to ask, which game is he rejoining? On the other hand, there’s only ever one game in town.

16\. Eileen has a body again! Good job everyone, especially witch!Sam embracing his witchy vibes, self-assured Sam. There’s so much about this episode that I didn’t write about, just because there are only so many hours in the day and this is a deeply layered episode, and I’m trying to keep it brief on this speedrun rewatch before 15x20.


	7. 15x07 Last Call

Writer: Adams  
Director: Kaderali

aka Dean kills the last vestiges of his past

So this is actually a tough one to write about retrospectively because I wrote some of this when it aired, and then not-relatedly but I did watch the entirety of Leverage, and then I wrote the rest of it. Which doesn’t really make a difference but also it does.

1\. THEN entirely about the Sam/Eileen and Dean/Cas relationships. What the heck kind of show does this

2\. NOW two girls exiting a bar, drunk plaid girl yelling “What would I do without my best friend?!”, before drunk plaid friend loses said best friend to a dark monster. Probably some kind of parallel being drawn there, especially as we then open after the title card to drunk Dean desperately seeking distraction (by the way, the headline reading WEATHER REMAINS UNCHANGED as Dean desperately scrolls for demon signs is exactly my kind of humour.) (Also want to note here that Dean requests a body without a heart, just in case we let an episode go by without associating Dean and hearts) Dean’s loneliness is underlined when we get cute Sam/Eileen breakfast shenanigans in the kitchen; Dean goes to pull Sam into a case, but, nope. Sam is soft and fluffy and Dean is not going to a) destroy that, or b) third wheel. Dean will investigate MY BEST FRIEND WAS RAPTURED WHILE I WAS DRUNK all on his lonesome, because the Winchesters are competent, independent adults who are supporting each other in their life decisions, a sentence I never thought I’d write.

3\. Dean goes for the FBI tack first. Running away to LA … Dean does not compute. Already establishing that as much as Dean might fantasise about leaving this life behind, he’s never really considered it an option. (That’s not new, we’ve had 14 seasons telling us that.) I’m gonna gloss over the Sherriff sort of weirdly hitting on Dean, because much like Dean, I don’t really know what to do with that.

4\. That bright pink light as Dean walks in, uh. Where’s that meta about lighting again?

5\. The hand-over-your-cellphone bit is a nifty inclusion: Dean is quite literally choosing to disconnect from his current life as he heads into the bar. (Do we want to talk about Dean being charming but not flirty with Lorna-the-waitress? It’s very cute that he’s not interested.)

6\. Oh look Dean’s ~~ex boyfriend~~ old friend owns the bar. 

7\. Meanwhile Sam is actually researching because he has no game. Eileen, who was literally dead not that long ago, is done with this shit. Until! CAS! Getting his own back after years of suffering.

8\. Dean telling Lee that John is dead is a lot to handle. It’s a very clean way to establish that these two are no longer on the same wavelength, or that they maybe never were. John liked Lee, approved of him. Lee is quick to ask after John, and he sees only grief in Dean’s momentary dropped smile. We know Dean’s feelings about John’s death are far more complicated than that. And talking about John’s death leads to Dean admitting he figured Lee was dead. Because all Dean’s friends are dead.

9\. Cas is back on his “Sam as a Test Subject” quest which does tend to resurface every now and again. Gotta be honest, all I can think about here is how much Sam is stretching out the hem of his shirt and it makes no sense for him not to just take his shirt off. Not in a fun way, just in a practical way. Why would you do that to your shirt, Sam?! All the way through this episode! With the shirt stretching! Anyway, this all ends up with Cas is calling Dean for the first time in weeks? Months? To tell him he accidentally-on-purpose experimented on Sam and it has not gone well. Again.

10\. Dean is perpetually surprised by Lorna hitting on him and it’s kind of adorable. He’s not interested, Lorna, and isn’t that interesting all on its own considering he just left Sam/Eileen back home and he’s lonely and yet.

11\. It seems pretty obvious Lee is trying to get Dean smashed to distract him from the case here, but he isn’t aware that Dean is a (mostly) functioning alcoholic so it’s a lost cause. And Dean is back on his case, “looking after the little guy”. In some ways, Dean hasn’t changed at all, because it’s always about the little guy and not Dean.

12\. I do not care for Sergei. 

13\. Sally adds a shot to her coffee, like a true alcoholic mess, after telling Dean how much she misses her somewhat religious best friend, and the good car. (She’s a Dean parallel, in case you missed it.)

14\. _A SOUL WOUND_. Dramatic, Sam. 

15\. How deeply old-school to have Dean mooching around a scrapyard. Damn. And then it turns out Lee is behind all of it and has betrayed him! This is such a soap opera honestly what the fuck

16\. Cas quietly threatening to burn people alive and kill their loved ones is such a trip. No threatening to smite people; Cas is too human now, he understands what and where to hurt someone. You go for the person they love.

17\. Hunting though, it messes with people. John thought Lee was the best fighter he saw, liked him (more than Dean, is the implication), but Lee couldn’t handle the Arizona case so he took on a monster as a … pet? Not quite. The monster and Lee are each profiting off the other, except the balance means other innocent people die. Sounds familiar. And whilst Lee has been living peacefully, if not free, for a decade, Dean has handled so much more than the Arizona case. And keeps handling it, because he doesn’t understand how to walk away. You stand up and keep fighting every time because Dean understands that it’s not the winning that matters. You don’t do it for the reward, for the winning, you do it because it’s the right thing to do.

18\. Anyway then Dean kills the monster, destroys the balance, and turns out to be good at counting in a gunfight. And then they have a badass fight because Dean also understands that killing the monster isn’t enough. You have to burn it all down.

19\. The scene where Dean and Cas run into each other at the end is a lot, folks, it’s just a real lot in thirteen seconds of happening. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but the shot with the map table - the world! - between them as they stare at each other? _Devastating_. Cas’s little recoil, like it’s just too much to see Dean unexpectedly, like Dean got his messages and hurried back, and then Cas shuts him down before he can say anything? Also devastating.

20\. Oh yeah I guess technically the episode ends with Sam confidently saying he thinks they can beat God, which seems like a surefire way to not do that, but we’ll see!


	8. 15x09 The Trap

Writer: Berens  
Director: Singer

:( how could you bobo

Did I re-endure the BRL episode prior to this? I did not. I just watched the Dean/Cas scenes. Adam and Michael are interesting I guess. I watched it when it aired, then I read the summary and the transcript again now so it’s fine. Speight does a good job.

1\. THE ROAD SO FAR oh look I didn’t need to watch the BRL episode anyway, got it all recapped nicely right there.

2\. This set is one of the weirdest sets SPN has ever played with. An empty casino with a giant pink elephant slowly rotating ominously about their heads? WILD. Casinos and games are actually a really important recurring metaphor this season (and it’s worth remembering that poker is Sam’s game). Chuck is playing games with them, and whatever the stakes, the house always wins. Unless you break the board and reset the game, of course.

3\. Chuck returned Eileen to be his puppet but emotions are real, friends.

4\. Cas making borax shells is deeply human, just in case we didn’t remember the other 8 episodes reminding us of his increasingly human tendencies.

I love Cas being brutally honest with Dean through this ep. Dean needs to hear it, and Cas needs to say it. It’s impossible to look at this without hindsight; Cas is in love with Dean, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t aware that Dean is an absolute dumbass idiot. Isn’t that the most powerful thing though, being in love with someone even when you’re aware of their flaws? 

5\. Hey, Sam also doesn’t know how to quit a fight when it’s worth fighting. Hope does a lot for a person, when you’re fighting insurmountable odds. (And why not? To paraphrase my favourite author, the worst of it might be a profound sense of disappointment if you survive long enough to realise you’ve lost.)

6\. Cas and Dean weaponising their bickering to lure out a leviathan is peak Dean/Cas content. (Aw Benny’s dead. Uh, the whole “got out/came back and then his own kind destroyed him” is a little concerning.)

7\. Chuck’s little foreshadowing episode is all about the destruction of Sam and Dean’s family. Do love a time travel pocketwatch narrative device, but who doesn’t?

8\. Purgatory is the land of exposing hidden truths, always has been. What do I need to say about this conversation that isn’t just right there in the text?

> DEAN: Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn’t just up and leave us.
> 
> CAS: You didn’t give me a choice. You couldn’t forgive me. And you couldn’t move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn’t stop me.

Setting aside the current circumstances, this is the perpetual conflict between these two; Cas leaves, Dean doesn’t ask him not to, and round and round we go.

9\. Love this shift immediately after that conversation into the structural conflict of Dean losing Cas in Purgatory vs. Dean losing Cas in the “future” Sam is experiencing. And - hindsight! - the contrast here between how Dean reacts to losing Cas where Cas was unwilling and had to be trapped away vs. how Dean really reacted when Cas left Dean by choice, with the parting words he left him? Exquisite. Chuck could never control that part of the story.

10\. AND THEN! The shift back to Dean losing Cas _now_! The emphasis in this episode of everything being about Dean and Cas is just … right there? Time to stop going round and round; Dean tells Cas he should never have let Cas leave, should have said it earlier. How much did this prayer hurt Cas? Dean always sees the worst of himself, always sees the anger and not the leash.

11\. End of the line, Sammy.

12\. Cut to: reunion! Dean finds Cas, wants to tell him he shouldn’t have let him leave. Cas won’t let him say it again. I don’t think Dean was ever going to say “I love you” here, I just don’t think Cas could handle having Dean ask him to stay, in person. How could he have said no? And with the Empty deal, how could he ever have said yes?

13\. Chuck whips up his worst ending for Sam; everybody dies, killed by their friends. Sam and Dean turn into the bad guys. The worst ending. (Maybe?)

14\. That Leviathan blossom really kind of looks like a heart, doesn’t it?

15\. Chuck loves his monsters, just so much. And Dean and Cas are playing right along with the narrative Chuck just laid out for Sam.

16\. Not visions but memories, all the other worlds. Know what’s different about this world? This time? Love is going to save the day. And if to just underline that point, whilst it makes sense for Sam and Eileen to split at this point, but it’s also reiterating that point: emotions are real, even if the circumstances were contrived. Insert shot of Dean & Cas sat at the table here to drive it home.


	9. 15x10 The Heroes' Journey

Writer: Dabb  
Director: Showalter

I love it when Dabb gets to do a MOTW episode. I love it when Dabb gets to slide in a retcon so sweet it should be taught as a masterclass, holy shit.

1\. Absolutely wild cold open, flawlessly put together and yet completely nonsensical without context. Which is how cold opens do usually work on SPN, but this is another level.

2\. I love that the production design people said ‘fuck it we’re naming everything after everybody this season’, and Berens’ got the shop. I also truly believe that this is a little glimpse of the 300th ep Dabb drafted before they wrangled JDM/John Winchester back into things. Dean interacting with the people at the store, like they all know each other because hey, Dean lives here now. 

3\. Anyway, their entire lives are normal human disaster lives now, because this whole time God was smoothing over the small stuff. What an _incredibly smooth retcon_. Dabb!

4\. BABY <3 she never breaks! The Winchesters have to walk, which I’m guessing is not something they’ve had to do for a long time, and definitely not because their car broke down.

5\. Garth has babies. I guess they’re cute? :| I’m not a person with enthusiasm for babies or children, so this does nothing for me. On a story level, it makes sense; Garth has an immediate family and an extended family, in which he includes the Winchesters. He named his kids after Sam and Cas! That’s a choice, or something.

6\. There’s a bunch of great meta analysing this drugged-up-Dean scene so I’m not even gonna touch it. It’s a great use of the set though, and looks like it was probably a blast to film.

7\. Sam and Dean experiencing the mundanity of normal life is horrifying and delightful.

8\. I really wish I’d had time to physically write the heroes journey meta I had mentally written after this episode, because I have a lot of thoughts about the traditional heroes journey narrative and the suffering involved, and how there are no happy endings for heroes. (I actually have a 500word draft that maybe one day I’ll wrangle into something coherent but, at this point in time, unlikely.)

9\. Sam’s failure of the puppy dog eyes is an incredible touch. Which then degenerates into Bess and whatshisface having a normal sibling relationship where sometimes you hurt your sibling to get the truth out of them. Normal monster people portraying normal familial relationships for the Winchesters! 

10\. Sam overpreparing because they’re normal people and yet still forgetting the bit where they’re normal people.

11\. Yet another person who wants to wrap the Winchesters in a story and sell them as a product, pitting them against monsters in a cage forever.

12\. Can’t even pick locks. Maybe they don’t have the advantages they had before, but they still made friends! Emotions are Real! And then Garth the Evil Bad Werewolf turns up to save the day because friendship!

13\. I appreciate that Garth’s endgame plan is blowing everything up, and then the Winchesters distracting the final Big Bad by being beaten up (still going to fight even when they can’t win though, these Winchesters) until Garth is ready to kill him. Seems like it could be a metaphor or something.

14\. That lingering shot of Dean watching Garth and Bess dancing. It’s not the dancing, folks, it’s the relationship. Metaphors!


	10. 15x11 The Gamblers

Teleplay: Glynn  
Story: Glynn & Perez  
Director: Beeson

Alaska!

1\. This cold open is very old school, and I love that.

2\. Hey Cas! Sam left you a note, which is nice I guess.

3\. Dean really has no impulse control, does he? (Which, if I’m getting bleak, is a reflection of something else that gets mentioned momentarily. These Winchesters had to hustle pool to _eat_ ; Dean takes what he can get whilst he can get it, because everything he has is constantly taken away from him. Saving sandwiches? Why? So they can go mouldy or get left in a motel room when you need to make a quick getaway? You eat them now, or you might not get them later.)

4\. This is a sweet little scene with the waitress in the cafe. Nobody comes back from the magic pool hall! Sam remembers playing pool in order to get what they needed, which is also why Dean was playing, but not entirely why Dean was playing. Dean likes playing pool, likes being good at things, likes winning because he’s good at things, likes playing the game that isn’t just pool but is the whole thing. (Also, at a less poetic gothic level, Dean’s actively, perpetually, an addict. Sam is a recovered addict, but he knows how that goes, and gambling was never his kick. That’s why he’s so good at it.)

5\. Aw Cas. I like the way they reintroduce Jack here, it’s clever.

6\. Very much enjoying the pun here that Fortuna has a son named Pax (Peace) who is the bouncer at her bar. Who nicely lays out all the rules of the game for them. Dean is all hmm gambling with my entire life yes seems legit, Sam is all WHO OWNS THIS PLACE, WHERE IS YOUR LICENSE, ARE YOU MEETING REGULATIONS >:|

7\. “Now, look, you’re better than me at pretty much everything, okay? That’s okay. I’m not mad. I’m proud. But I can wipe the floor with you when it comes to pool.” Aw Dean, look at you.

8\. Jack is not actually good at following people, is he. How did he eat so many hearts already. Oh yeah, Jack is powering up eating angel hearts, seems thematically sound.

9\. Everybody wants something. Dean’s still playing the game, but Sam wants to figure out how to change the game. Sam’s a poker player; everyone knows poker isn’t about playing the cards, it’s about playing the player. Sam finds out this is a house-always-wins situation, so he’s in it to play the house. Dean still thinks you can play the game (because he’s very, very good at the game).

10\. Gets sad real fast though. Joey Six has been staying alive for another year, but at what cost? He stayed alive staying in the game. Gamblers won’t stop gambling. Anyway, it’s all Fortuna! One of my favourite Roman goddesses. This is such a neat tie-in to the concept of 15x10 and the heroes’ journey. 

11\. Cas remains a very competent hunter. I find this whole extended scene with the Grigori and Jack to be weirdly compelling; the church - not ruined, but renovating - is shot beautifully, Jack kneeling in the aisle, his silence before the soldiers of God/Chuck … it’s powerfully done.

12\. Love the Winchesters threatening Pax to get what they want, and then agreeing to play the game to try to save everyone. Delicious metaphor. 

13\. Meanwhile, back with Jack, laying out truth on his knees. That boy is very charismatic. And then Cas! CAS! This reunion is upsettingly well done, lots of emotions from these emotionless supernatural beings.

14\. Sam isn’t as good at pool as Dean, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s not about the table, it’s about the game. They’re a team. (Fortuna is spot on though, isn’t she? Girlfriend problems and liver failure, romance and addiction.) Dean knows which buttons to push to knock Fortuna off her game, and I adore that little glance between Sam and Dean when she misses the shot. It’s beautiful.

> FORTUNA: Another game. Double or nothing.
> 
> DEAN: Double. That’s how the cowboy died.

This line feels ominous. Just in a wider scheme of things, I don’t like it.

The Winchesters willing to go double or nothing for everyone else is a lot though, isn’t it? They’ll give up everything the won for the chance to save everyone else. Dean says “we had to try” and damn, they always do. Even as they lose and are leaving, they’re still figuring out how to come back and save everyone. That’s just these idiots in a nutshell.

15\. And then we get the message, of the episode and the whole thing: Don’t play his game, make him play yours. Sam’s got it covered, Evie, don’t sweat it.

16\. Also love this reunion! Sam’s straight in with the hugs, Dean has to check with Cas (and then the “you let him [eat their hearts]?” and ok-sure shrug, immaculate). I feel like they should have been a lot more suspicious of Billie, who has always been very clear about the wanting to reap the Winchesters thing, but I guess Chuck is the primary concern. Anyway, Jack can kill God, good stuff. Mmh delicious angel hearts, fuel for the saving of the world.

(Oh … no …)


	11. 15x12 Galaxy Brain

Teleplay: Berens  
Story: Berens & Glynn  
Director: Speight Jr

Do you ever think about how much we’re getting now is spite writing from Dabb and Berens after being promised Wayward and then having it be snatched away at the last minute. Like, oh, TPTB, you like this het masculine show? You wouldn’t let us have the queer girl show? Cool, Cool, so [maintaining eye contact with the CW whilst writing] God is depowered and meaningless, the author is dead long live fanfic, Cas and Dean are in love and have been this whole time, Sam marries Eileen, they have sixteen girls who become the Women of Letters and inherit the Impala, Dean is dead now, you can’t have this back.

Anyway this episode wraps up Wayward, good use of time.

1\. Radio Shed is actually a genius setting for God here (and don’t think I didn’t catch that “President Hilary Clinton is in Iowa” and “sir this is a radio shed” BOBO)

2\. I can’t just quote Berens’ entire script but “All the other worlds, alternate realities, the subplots… the failed spin-offs… it’s time to start cancelling shows.” makes me laugh every time. Bitterly.

3\. Jody’s back! With a dead cow.

4\. The Sam Dean Cas conversation: hearts ARE disturbing, Cas, you’re right. Dean recognises at least that Billie’s playing cards, but … Cas trusts Jack, Jack (and Dean) trust Billie, so it’s all three against Sam. Sam’s right, obviously, but what can you do.

5\. Merle isn’t actually that supportive, is she.

6\. Dean and Cas drinking together in the library, Bobo, how could you? This is so soft and indulgent for both of them, to be spending time together on an even keel for the first time in ages, and yes I know we know now that Cas is in love and refuses to acknowledge it but damn, you can’t tell me Dean doesn’t feel the exact same way. Of course, hindsight! The brutality of it, as the only snippet of conversation we see is Cas expressing all this love for Jack, how he hopes Jack will fulfil his destiny and do good in the world, and Dean just says God dying sounds good to him. Because of course Dean can’t express his love in any other way, Dean is an emotionally stunted dumbass product of his environment, and nobody has ever loved him like he loves everyone else. To R. Berens: Thanks I hate it.

If Jody hadn’t interrupted, what might have been? I guess we do actually have to save Jody though I don’t think Dark!Kaia would’ve killed her. These Winchesters just keep walking into traps, don’t they?

7\. Kaia is alive! Which we all knew but I guess they didn’t. Again with the theme of … you have the tools to survive but only within the boundaries of what you’ve been set, you can’t work outside the game. How extremely depressing to have our Kaia be trapped alone for such a long time in a dark space only held together by the memories of her family and loved ones from before.

8\. Cas being a good dad letting Jack win at board games. (More games, folks, always playing games, are you keeping track?)

9\. Three conversations:

  1. Sam and Dean talk about not having what they need, except they do have what they need. They just are playing by Billie’s rules, which aren’t the same as Winchester rules. What did Evie in Alaska just tell you, boys?
  2. Jody and Cas talk about how Claire was in love with Kaia. The softness of the way they understand it’d kill Claire to fail to get Kaia back, after all this time … urgh.
  3. Jack and Kaia talk about what they wanted wasn’t what they thought they wanted. Jack wanted to help, but in helping he only caused pain. Kaia thought she wanted the peaceful world, but it’s not as peaceful as she thought; she finds the empty spaces to hide. And Jack was raised by Winchesters, so of course he agrees to help her and jeopardise the big plan.



10\. Merle’s back! I don’t really know what Billie or Merle were expecting here, they’ve got the measure of the Winchesters and yet they somehow think Jack will think differently. 

11\. Really pretty visuals of the bunker warding powering up.

12\. Cas making good points re: love and staying behind and keeping the other people you love when you lose someone important. :( (also continuing to be Good Dad Cas!)

13\. Dark!Kaia is really good at doing what she does. And then her entire world is destroyed by Chuck. At least in this world though, Kaia and Claire are going to ride off into the sunset together. Satisfying ending for Kaia though, appreciate it.

14\. Really should’ve been more suspicious of Billie earlier. Billie has such an entirely different approach to this than the Winchesters; they need her to stay on track, but she misses the small details. 

15\. When have the Winchesters ever been any good at destiny?


	12. 15x14 Last Holiday

SPN 15x14 Last Holiday (Adams/Sanchez)

This episode is very weird and very creepy, and I’m not sure it’s supposed to be either/both of those things. A supernatural being gets brainwashed by a Nazi cult into perpetual servitude and murder under the guise of love for nearly a century? And then the Winchesters accidentally reawaken her and have cheery holidays? :|

1\. Did I watch the BRL episode prior to this? Of course I did not, that would be ridiculous! As ever, I read the summary and skimmed the transcript and frankly I have no regrets.

2\. Obviously, Dean hits the button (I’m actually not arguing with him, his logic entirely tracks. My anxiety brain would prevent me hitting the button until I was sure it wouldn’t destroy the bunker forever, which is where I imagine Sam is also coming from.)

3\. So Mrs Butters huh, that’s a thing.

4\. A small costuming note: Dean in yellow is unusual! I don’t know what it signifies other than they maybe ran out of shirts when re-doing this scene repetitively, but surely that can’t be right. I’ve seen the costuming room with the wall of flannel.

5\. Jack warily and sadly telling Mrs Butters that he killed Mary is sad. Also, interesting how he describes Mary as a friend. Jack doesn’t have many friends.

6\. They do the holidays backwards, Christmas - Thanksgiving - Halloween - Fourth of July - Sam’s birthday (absolutely appalled that I know Sam’s birthday, how far down the rabbithole am I?) (I realise that’s an ironic thing to include, considering, y’know, all this *gestures* but. I don’t like it.)

Anyway going backwards in time, yes. There’s this ongoing theme this season of revisiting the past, and this is a neat way to play with that motif whilst having a MOTW that involves a new monster and no new/old faces. They’re slipping back in time, in holidays but also into how the Men of Letters used to be.

7\. Jack discovers the tape, which is horrifying! Terrible! Not fun at all! So the club of posh hobby-hunter men kidnapped a wood nymph and then brainwashed her into being their slave for eternity, using her as a literal tool to power their bunker and do their laundry, good stuff, good stuff (/sarcasm) This is not a fun or lighthearted episode, it’s horrible.

It feels like we already did this kind of thing with 15x07, where Lee and the monster were profiting off each other for mutual gain whilst Lee was also keeping the monster as a prisoner. Except this time it’s also trying to be … cute? I am discomfort.

8\. This episode is so creepy. Mrs Butters is not a fun person to send you off on a date. In fact, Sam is an adult man who has in fact dated before? He doesn’t need anyone to send him off on a date! Creepy.

9\. And then it turns out she’s been slowly depowering Jack, and is happy to lock him in the dungeon whilst she distracts Sam and Dean. She’s trying to get rid of all the monsters but Jack isn’t a monster. Evil all along, blah blah blah. I suppose there’s a thing here about the Winchesters using Jack as a tool to assist them in hunting the supernatural, but it doesn’t land for me. Jack has three dads who all teach by example, they don’t torture or attempt to brainwash him into making decisions about his future. It does prey on Jack’s fears, I guess, and reiterates what he was told before about being a monster, but it feels like we’d moved past that. I just feel sorry for her, but I don’t know if the episode feels sorry for her? I’m willing to lay blame on the director for this one, because the tone is so weird for what is being presented and I find the visual style to be flat, and I do not like this director. [He did the worst Berens’ ep](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955994/chapters/68053594), an episode I’m still convinced was a decent script but was a mess in the shooting, and I’m not over it. (Yes I will lay down my life for one (1) writer.)

10\. There’s also something uncomfortable about how Mrs Butters assumes she knows what the Winchesters are feeling and thinking. She tells Dean it’s time to kill Jack. It’s reassuring how quickly Dean affirms that is not a thing that he will be doing, thank you.

11\. Sam is a much better liar but it’s also clear that Sam will absolutely also not be killing Jack or Dean. And I do kind of … love? How blase Dean is about this? He prioritises Sam and Eileen over them being trapped in the dungeon by a deranged wood nymph. I mean I guess Dean and Jack are as safe as they can be where they are, but it’s still just very telling. Dean isn’t concerned about his own future prospects, but he is supportive of Sam building a life.

12\. Jack being so focused on his mission, and Dean tells him to stop, and … no. Dean being up front with his feelings, and breaking Jack’s little heart! He doesn’t think you’re a monster Jack, he just needs time, and Jack reminds Dean of Dean sometimes.

13\. It just generally gets worse as Mrs Butters turns to torturing Sam, as she was also tortured. There’s something just extra unpleasant about the implications of Mrs Butters being tortured over time by Cuthbert Sinclair until she becomes an obedient wife-substitute for the Men of Letters. There’s an air of misogyny and power and I know they don’t imply anything sexual but doesn’t it just feel like it’s lurking there? I hate it.

13\. Dean yeeting people at doors is a move very much out of Cas’s playbook. Effective.

14\. So then they defeat Mrs Butters with the power of love, or something. Well, no, Sam makes it clear that Cuthbert Sinclair was a horrible horrible little man but actually it’s accepting that Jack can save the world that allows Mrs Butters to allow them to live.

I’m glad they convinced her to leave rather than destroying them or anyone else, but giving her a picture of the terrible captors who used her horribly is uhhhh Very Grim? She would rather still believe that her captor was doing the best for her, rather than accept the truth of her reality.

15\. Dean’s cake for Jack is very sweet. Dean is caring for Jack, he’s showing how much he loves him even if he can’t say it. I hope Jack understands that.

It took me so long to write the notes for this episode. SO LONG. Hard episode to love.


	13. 15x15 Gimme Shelter

Writer: Perez  
Director: Cohen

I take it all back, this might be my favourite episode this season. I had so many feelings about this one.

1\. THEN the important bit here is that conversation about balance, really. 

2\. This cold open really sets the tone for the episode; people have the capacity for being very horrible and very kind. And then very horror, which is a very classic Supernatural move.

3\. The power goes out in Atlantic city: they’re back to playing games with Amara.

4\. Speaking of all-powerful cosmic beings, hey Cas. The way this is shot, I assume they filled Cas in on the plan whilst getting all their shit together to leave, which means Cas has been skeptically following them around the bunker for the last 30mins. Cas is very anti-Amara, understandably. (Love a walk and talk, _LOVE IT_ , why don’t we get more of these through the bunker?)

Dean desperately trying to distract Cas from the Amara thing is so blatant and adorable and then Jack’s enthusiasm is so blatant and adorable and Cas hates everyone, up to and including himself for being dumb enough to love these idiots.

5\. What a move, to reverse the norm and have supernatural beings investigating a human murder. It invites this entire reevaluation of what is considered monstrous and evil, and in the exploration of the breadth of human experience, gives Cas and Jack the chance to reconfigure where they stand within that too. (Adore Cas’s background reactions to Jack’s comments, I live for Cas just being absolutely done with everyone at all times.)

This naturally leads to a crossroads deal, because they’re real human hunters now. (Cas’s reference to the cats on the internet is an incredible callback to Chuck’s cat-photo-tumblr from 11x20 and I refuse not to believe that is true.) This demon is such an asshole, and I enjoy that Cas and Jack immediately see through his terrible facade. Anyway, there’s a whole thing going on here with balance, it’s a ~theme~. Rowena’s philosophy, not tipping the balance in her favour but letting people end up where they end up. The balance is awry already; bored demons offering to do human jobs, distracted angels doing human jobs.

6\. Second death! She’s stealing from the donations box.

7\. Dean really doesn’t want to talk about Amara with Cas, huh. Tough cookies Dean, because Sam is also here to talk about it! Sam is not at all sure about this whole plan where they set Amara up to die, which is understandable but sort of ironic, considering that whole season where they tried to kill Amara. The fascinating thing here is the change in Dean; he’s no longer depressed - or not depressed like he can be - but he’s still fatalistic, still entirely focused on destroying Chuck and regaining control over his life. It’s almost as though Dean now has some kind of motivating factor to escape Chuck’s narrative that he didn’t have before. I’m not entirely sure what the tipping point for this was; was it them regaining their heroes’ luck? That did give Dean the motivation to believe they could destroy Chuck, but the actual behavioural change that pushed Dean to pursue his luck was earlier. I’m genuinely not trying to tie this up as a shipping thing, really, but the emotional connection in Purgatory is the most significant impact on Dean. It’s that moment outside the narrative where he has an honest connection that gives him the motivation to actually want the existence where that can happen without Chuck’s interference. (With my shipper hat firmly on, I’d say it’s the wanting to have an emotional connection with Cas specifically that motivates him, but I don’t know that Dean is thinking of it that way, even if I am.) Anyway, Dean is _also_ clearly not sure about this killing Amara thing, but he’s willing to lean into it if it achieves their goal. He’s justifying it by telling himself he’s not pulling the trigger, but Dean knows better than that. 

8\. How is Jack still so very sweet and naive and precious? And yet he’s learning! He’s so inoffensively curious it’s somehow charming.

9\. (Aside: MC’s background reactions are just so good this episode. The little tired tilt of his head as he listens to Pastor Joe pray.) The cut from Cas delivering the news about Valerie to actual Valerie is such a sweet spot in tonal shift; all that soft green and blue and tan to blocky light/shadow horror genre as Valerie gets her fingers chopped off. Nice.

10\. Dated, watched old movies together, basically the same thing. (Yeah, Perez wrote 13x06 Tombstone, and I imagine he cackled whilst he threw that callback in.) Jack and Sylvia talk about their religious father figures; Jack referring to his having “more dads than most” is adorable. Sylvia has put her faith in God, not people, but Jack is doing the opposite.

11\. Cas on the plaid sofa, see me make soft distressed noises. This conversation with Pastor Joe really goes some places for Cas, doesn’t it? There’s something inherently funny and heartbreaking about an angel on a mission to kill God uncomfortably speaking with a leader of a faith-based community. And Cas can’t help but ask, and so we get the parallel; Joe’s wife grew up in a more strictly religious community, where God’s will was the unquestioned reason for all things, but actually, people loving and serving for other people became the priority. There’s also a mention here of Connor as a queer kid, and how he was still part of the community they have. Oh, Cas <3

12\. It’s been weeks and I’m _still_ upset to discover this is how the Impala is fueled up. I don’t like it. Anyway, I do kind of love Amara now she’s free. She’s right about the pierogi, and I’m suddenly very hungry.

13\. Cas’s “testimony on his journey” is fucking _devastating_ with 15x18 hindsight, what the fuck. It was bad enough already but _fuck_. He rediscovered who he was because he fell in love, and it makes my heart ache how they’re framing Castiel’s love this season. It’s about Cas, it’s about how it made Cas feel and act and gave him a foundation to stand on. I want Dean to reciprocate as much as the next feral shipper here, but I love exploring the concept that it’s the _giving_ \- the act of loving someone - that changes you, not the receiving. It’s perfect for Supernatural, and it’s a very queer story to tell.

14\. Set dressing moment: notice all the beautiful heart posters in the background? Patchwork hearts. Jack learns a lot here, reaffirms the whole “saving people” thing and lifting up others with your own hands, and then they’re interrupted by the horror show.

15\. Dean’s lying but he’s not actually incorrect, is he? I really like how Amara makes it clear that they aren’t what they appear, they’re not human people. Chuck and Amara are playing on a more cosmic level; Amara even tells Dean, you can’t play on this level. (But then over the next few episodes, as Chuck reduces himself to one single universe, one obsession with these two humans, he also reduces himself, and the Winchesters force him to play by their rules, on their board.)

16\. Cas’s assumption is a good one, and yet … Rudy’s dead. They never clarify what the lust thing is about with Rudy, do they? It’s ominously left unsaid, and that’s fine.

17\. Every second of this episode is so carefully crafted, none of it feels wasted. Dean leaves Sam in the car, to go back to Amara. Sam trusts him and lets him go. And then: Dean and Amara’s conversation. Also devastating!

  1. the contrast between Chuck, using the Winchesters for his own amusement, vs. Amara trying to help Dean grow and change. The balance isn’t what it seems.
  2. Now is always better than then. Amara thought it was reconnecting with Mary, seeing her as a real person, that would give Dean closure. She thought it was revisiting Dean’s past that he needed to release him from his anger, to give him what he needed to accept who he is, but it wasn’t.
  3. Dean is so brutally honest, and he’s not lying but he’s using that anger, using himself, as a weapon to get what he wants. He still doesn’t believe any of it is real, that all the people he cares about don’t really care about him because it’s not real, right? And then, Dean weaponises his honesty; I don’t know that we’ve ever see him do this so thoroughly and convincingly.
  4. Worth repeating, from Amara: now is always better than then. It’s not that Dean needs to accept his life as Dean thinks it is, it’s that Dean needs to accept who he is. What Dean needs is what he gets in 15x18; he needs Cas, needs someone who loves him now, as he is with all the flaws and baggage and the whole of everything. It’s enough to make you cry, if you think about it too hard.
18\. Sylvia stabs her terrible friend. This whole confrontation is fantastically done; the lighting in the shed, the way Sylvia comes in at Joe, the way she says “they don’t worship God, they worship you.” I could spend another 2000 words picking apart the complexities of worshipping humanity instead of God within SPN, but hey, Cas sums it all up pretty well in a few eps time. Then Jack gets stabbed in the heart (of course the heart, this season) but it’s Jack, he’ll be fine. Enter: Castiel, and Cas’s anger is _right there_. He can weaponise it too; anger can be leashed and directed as you need it, and we get that lovely juxtaposition of Cas healing the victim afterwards, followed by that Look when Pastor Joe asks what he is … ooof. 19\. When I talked at the start about using this reversal of the standard SPN MOTW hunter vs supernatural monster as an opportunity for non-human Cas and Jack to be immersed within humanity, it’s so important to the overall goal we’re heading toward. Cas and Jack understand the rules of the game as defined by the humans existing within it, and they find all the great breadth of what that means, from murder to love. They have to bring Chuck into the human aspect of the game. 20\. Rowena’s attitude about people ending up where they deserve? Our murderer gets into a car driven by a bored demon, and I guess Rowena’s philosophy does pay off. 21\. Cas and Jack travelling in Cas’s beat up truck is such a vibe. Cas tries so hard to be supportive, and in return, Jack tells Cas he’s going to die. I imagine that’s not what Cas was hoping for. Jack truly did embrace the Winchester - and Cas’s - lessons; you sacrifice yourself for what you love and believe in, huh? 22\. Oh Dean, you’re drinking a lot this season. There’s something wistfully dark about that little hit from the bottle, the normalisation of it. Anyway, here’s Cas. If Jack hadn’t said anything before this, I have to take a second to ponder all the other ways this conversation might have gone; the vulnerability of the moment, of Dean being all comfortable and soft in his robe, Cas willing to talk about the case they just worked. Bottle of whiskey, comfort. They’re so honest in this moment, when Cas chooses to tell him what Jack said. The faith in that decision! ————— Perez knocked it outta the park with this ep. It’s got those horror elements that Perez loves, and Perez can always write layered and introspective and clever episodes (see: 15x04, ffs) but his eps are usually kinda punchy and pacey. This is so much softer and slower and just breathes in the spaces. Matt Cohen did an incredible job directing too. This feels like an episode that is so easy to sleep on, and it was good when it aired, but seeing how it sits with (most of) the season? Amazing. 



	14. 15x16 Drag Me Away (From You)

Writer: Fitzmartin  
Director: Kaderali

Another episode revisiting the past, extremely directly this time. Gotta have a flashback ep in the final season!

1\. Another classic Supernatural cold open, with the horror and the motel room and the spooky ghost child and the incredibly pointed parallel as Travis sits on the bed telling himself just one more night, repeating “it’s not real, it was never real”. And then the not-real ghost child stabs him in a very real way with his broken whisky bottle and he’s dead. (Travis is even visually representing young Dean: the bottle of whisky, the duffle, the necklace and the layers.)

2\. Sam immediately thinks Dean and Cas have had another break up, because that is a natural assumption based on the last twelve years, especially when Dean refuses to talk about it.

3\. It looks smaller/we’re bigger. Dean is really not keen on returning, is he? Cue: flashback. Young Dean is such an ass, but of course he is. Poor baby Sam. (The visual of a gun/knife/plaid/college guide is on-the-nose but, yeah.)

4\. We first meet Caitlin in the past, but Travis we already know is dead. And now we realise, was killed by his younger self.

5\. The vending machine trick is amazing and depressing. Kinda like this whole episode.

6\. Hello, present-day Caitlin. Turns out Travis was deeply traumatised by his childhood, became an addict and had no real job. (Sound familiar?) But this time the Winchesters don’t believe this is their thing; Dean was quick enough to believe it when they were kids. “Monsters are real. Me, my dad… we hunt them. It’s, uh, kind of the family business.”; that Dean includes himself in that is heartbreaking. He is a CHILD.

7\. Children disappearing; there’s something very sad about these neglected children being the only ones to care about finding the lost children. They see themselves in these kids, even if they aren’t cognizant of that. Ongoing themes of the Winchesters saving small, forgotten people and seeing the importance in that, because who else is there?

8\. Dean picking locks, badly, again. As my watch-buddy LL says, this almost seems an odd placement for such a traditional old school episode like this, so close to the end of the season, but it’s all about reflecting on the “who gets/wants a normal life. That “Don’t you want a partner?” line. Dean, do you? Running parallel to that, it’s the recognising that Dean’s life has always been extremely fucked up.

9\. Sam and Travis playing boggle. More games! The younger kids playing games whilst Dean and Caitlin check out the deeply creepy places; Caitlin teases Dean about being scared, but of course he is. Dean knows what’s really out there, what could be lurking. And although we don’t realise it in the moment, Dean is promptly traumatised by a pile of dead bodies of kids his own age, jfc. Imagine facing your mortality at 14, and having the wherewithal to hide it from your peers because you understand even then that this is not something they should have to face as well?

10\. There is something inherently liminal and slightly spooky about hotel corridors. (You’ve all been in con hotels, you know what it’s like.) Dean comes face to face with his younger self, who tells him he failed and that he has to kill himself. How can Dean fight that? He doesn’t even try; it’s Sam who saves the day. It’s achingly awful.

11\. Dean facing his failures; Travis is dead because he didn’t kill the monster. BECAUSE HE WAS 14! A CHILD! It wasn’t his job, he should never have thought it was his job! And now Dean reveals the pile of bodies, and fuck, Sam, what a stupid question. Why would Dean tell you he was traumatised by a pile of dead kids? What the fuck, you don’t apologise for that, and I’m glad Sam (sort of) grasps that. This conversation is deeply upsetting on so many levels.

12\. The contrast in scale between Sam and Caitlin talking about what constitutes normal life and how Sam doesn’t have it, vs Dean and Billie talking about Chuck destroying all the worlds except this. (Love the body language between Dean and Billie; Billie is cool and static and powerful, whereas Dean is leaning away, arm up between them, he’s straight up scared and trying to hide it. He can’t even meet her eyes when she leans in, although as ever he’s mouthy af about it. Some things never change.) (Also! The complexity of the plaid Dean is wearing! He’s very conflicted right now!)

13\. So it’s Baba Yaga, of course it is. Haunting childhoods, and all that. And the ring is her heart, because we’re on 16/16 episodes featuring a heart being embedded deep in the plot.

14\. The ring is behind it all (the ring on the necklace Travis was wearing in a mirror of the necklace Dean used to wear, which it turned out to lead them to God.)

15\. There is something creepy about Sam and Dean stalking through the hotel, all these lives behind closed doors. And then, of course Dean’s seen this movie before. He’s been in this movie before. But he still goes in. Let’s relive some trauma, Dean! I hate it.

16\. Thank goodness for Sam saving the day. There’s some kind of overarching theme here about siblings trying to save siblings, except all they can do is give you a chance; really you’ve got to save yourself. Dean smashes the heart with his gun, which is a nifty move and also thematically apt.

17\. The argument in the car at the end is gutting. Dean’s little moment to steel himself before explaining what’s going to happen. They haven’t argued all season, and then here it’s so raw and upsetting :( I’m not going to thoroughly dismantle it because I can’t really watch it more than a couple of times, tbh. But there’s a very clear line about Dean trying to hide horrible, traumatising things from Sam and hold it all on himself instead, but here making the decision to share it. And he’s right to share it! It’s not the sharing of the trauma that Sam has issue with, it’s the choices Dean makes for him. Like young!Dean did for young!Sam, and that didn’t work out either.

——-

I feel like there’s likely a lot I missed in this episode, but I got distracted at the start with the Travis parallel with speculation. This whole season has been very much about reminding us how fucked up Dean’s entire life has been, and asking - quietly - whether he can ever recover from that? Sam has always lingered on the edges of a normal life, and we see him slipping in and out of that all season, as he interacts with a wide range of people and dates Eileen and can pass as a functional human being. Caitlyn asks Sam whether he’d like to be normal even as Dean is talking to Death in a diner. Oh, Dean. I don’t think Dean can ever be free? Of course Baba Yaga is still chasing Dean down, in some ways he’s still a child. Even if they escape Chuck’s narrative, even though Dean has grown and changed so much, in a sense Dean will still be trapped forever, haunted in a dead end motel. Peace or freedom, Dean? (He’s going to die, isn’t he? I think he’s going to die in the finale.)


	15. 15x18 Despair

Writer: Berens  
Director: Speight Jr

here I am back on my BS let’s do this

(perez, hey perez, don’t think I’ve forgotten you dropping this in years ago

don’t think I haven’t been thinking about it all day)

First things first: I’m so _thrilled_ about Cas’s ending.

Cas has been building to this for years. He made that deal with the Empty back in 14x08 (Dec 6th 2018, folks, if can you believe) and he (we) knew then what it meant, but he (we) didn’t want to look directly at it (actually, we did, we stared into that sun like we wanted to go blind, but not so much for Cas). Dabb and Berens have been unspooling this story for years, and they made a decision that I kind of missed before now: they made it about two individual people being in love, not a single entity of a relationship. It’s a subtle difference - and it doesn’t mean the relationship won’t happen - that acknowledges the truth that love is sometimes lonely and quiet, sometimes other things are more important, but it can still be fulfilling and satisfying and an incredible, powerful force. Love doesn’t have to be toxic and brittle with heartbreak, doesn’t need to be built on trade-offs or sacrifices or proving it.

So when Cas makes his declaration here in the end, it’s about _Cas_ , not Dean. Cas allows himself to entirely feel and acknowledge what he knows to be true, and to embrace that as a conduit to save Dean. Cas’s moment of happiness - of joy! - is in allowing himself to love, and knowing that he loves so fiercely, so powerfully, that he can use his love as a shield for Dean.

Of course Cas’s honesty here floors Dean, right from the moment he tells him he made a deal with the Empty. Even that is so big, for Cas to be so candid with Dean. And Cas takes his opportunity - because Cas doesn’t know how to do anything less than 100% - and tells Dean exactly how incredible he is. Equally of course, we don’t really hear Dean’s reaction, because this moment is about Dean, but it’s for Cas. For Cas to explain how his choices were motivated by love, how that love shaped him as a person regardless of if or how Dean felt in return. It’s Dean, it’s always Dean, but it’s love as a force within Cas that powers him. How validating is that? How fulfilling and satisfying and hopeful?

And in Cas being able to have that moment, he not only saves Dean, but he gifts him the one real thing Dean just told us he was seeking; the one thing in Dean’s life that wasn’t ever part of Chuck’s narrative. And since I started talking about kinds of love, let’s also take a moment here to compare to Dabb & Beren’s “pilot” 11x17, which was all about the worst kinds of love. Dean needed to hear this on _so many levels_.

Speculation time: I will be fine with it if we never see Cas’s pretty face again. However, I don’t necessarily think that’s the case. I’m not sure if we’ll _see_ Cas again, and we haven’t got time for Dean to unpack all of that, but I think the series will end with Dean heading out to get Cas back; not reunited, but Dean choosing to pursue that option over anything else.


	16. 15x17 vs 15x20: Dabb Era SPN was Always About This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deeply grateful to LL for the beta on this.

I wrote a bit of meta in June 2017 called “11x17 RED MEAT: DABB’S SNEAKY PILOT FOR S12” and I should’ve just knocked off the “for S12” and written “for his entire run”.

Putting this all under a read more because I know most people are still processing, and not everyone wants to read long meta about death right now. Or ever. But hey, I’m here for you if you want it.

11x17 shows us the absolute bleakest outcome for the Winchesters, in the most raw, unpolished way. Sam ‘dies’ on a hunt, except he’s not really dead, so Dean commits suicide via overdose to save him even though he didn’t need to, and they both survive but refused to talk about it. I’m quoting myself from back then, but: “The show isn’t toying around the idea of Winchester codependency being bad, it’s actively showing how it’s useless and pointless, how it’s messy, bloody, and literally & symbolically unhealthy. Even the Winchesters would rather do something else.” The show and the characters had been talking for a while at this point about how their old formula didn’t work, but kept cycling through nonetheless. Dabb & Berens (airdate March 20th, 2016) did a point-blank show-don’t-tell about how that just wasn’t going to cut it anymore.

And then they spent four years slowly unravelling all the frameworks that built up the codependency, and making it clear over and over: there is no romanticism in dying to save people you love. It’s horrible, it’s ugly, it’s unnecessary and unpleasant, and it doesn’t change anything.

Cut to: Season 15. That useless, messy codependency cycle of Winchesters killing and dying for each other, for your entertainment? That repetitive, endless cycle is what they’re fighting against now. Season 15 goes out of it’s way to hammer it home; the author is controlling the cycle of death and resurrection, the Winchesters can never live free of this, and nothing will ever be any different.

Except the Winchesters have changed over the last four seasons. The character growth has been slow, and thoughtful, and layered. They aren’t here for the whole ‘killing each other’ thing any more. Hell, even we as fans have moved on from this. Becky lays it out for us in 15x04:

> BECKY […] So instead of reading your stories, I kept writing my own.
> 
> CHUCK Your own… “Supernatural”?
> 
> BECKY Where the guys didn’t have to hunt monsters all the time. They just sit around and do laundry and talk, you know? I mean, that’s what people like the most, anyway.”
> 
> So here at the end, when the Winchesters defeat Chuck, and finally have control over their own story, the next step is logical.

Somebody has to die, and equally, somebody has to live. The whole cycle is perpetuated by the death of loved ones due to demon deals and angelic meddling and cosmic forces, and then whoever is left can’t let them go because they didn’t deserve it. That’s reiterated again and again in S15. What do you deserve? What kind of life? What kind of death? What makes a life - and a death - worthy of merit? It’s woven into this grand narrative about sacrifice.

That’s been the narrative throughout the whole show. Sacrifice might mean dragging your family into a life after your wife dies and your children grow up knowing nothing but death as the only way to live. It might mean making demon deals, or saving the world. It might mean … well, we know all this, we watched the show. In this story, death is meaningless and empty, and it doesn’t stick, because someone is always ready to do something terrible to pull you back to life. For the Winchesters to completely defeat the cyclical plot shenanigans, someone has to die and _not_ be brought back. They just have to die because sometimes, people die, whether they deserve to or not, and _other people carry on living_. Someone has to live and move on, because that’s the part where we normally get back on the wheel. If everyone lives, and then dies after a long and happy life, the cycle isn’t broken.

So now we get the counterpoint of 11x17; the Winchesters go on a hunt, not because they’re trying to escape grief, or to distract themselves from (or engage in) any more self-destructive tendencies. They do it for the simplest reason they’ve always done what they do; somebody needs to be saved, and they can do that when nobody else can. And, in the spill of things, Dean dies. It’s not because he’s incompetent or distracted or on some kind of self-destructive kick where he’s taking risks, he just dies. He dies like a normal human, in a slightly stupid way, just bad luck and barns.

And unlike 11x17 - or really, like any of the other times they’ve died - where it’s frantic and messy and unpleasant, this is clean. Dean chooses to accept it. It doesn’t matter whether he deserves it, whether it’s fair. It just is, and that’s fine. It’s a gift, to be able to leave without regret. He takes the time he has to talk to Sam, tells him that they have to break the cycle. He knows Sam will be okay without him. Sam stays with him whilst he dies. Sam and us alike, we all know he’s dead. There’s no if/but/maybe; he’s salted and burned and dead. It’s heartbreaking, because death breaks your heart, but this time it’s not ugly or twisted or some plot device for the next part of the story.

And then Sam continues to _live_. What’s the greatest way to break the story? To break the codependency of the Winchesters? To stop the cycle of the author resurrecting them over and over for continued pain? Letting one of them live, and he gets to choose what he does next. Sam gets to choose not to bring Dean back, and to live a long, fulfilled life which doesn’t revolve around grief and death and sacrifice. The greatest way to end the codependent death cycle is by letting them both die, decades apart, having loved other people.

There’s a final thing here with the 11x17 and 15x20 bookends. When Dean dies in 11x17, Billie comes to tell him she’s going to throw him in the Empty. There’s nothing for him there; he’ll just be dead, void for eternity. In 15x15, we learn that Rowena has stopped the demons from making deals, because she believes people will end up where they belong. That seems to be the track that Jack and Cas take too. So when Dean dies in 15x20, in a world rebalanced by the kid he raised, he goes to Heaven. And his heaven is filled with love and infinite capacity for that love to be.

(What breaks my heart here is that to pin it all together, they really could have done with those two endgames that they also spent years structuring: Cas and Eileen, as the other aspects of love. Which simply wasn’t possible due to the goddamn 2020 pandemic*, and thus it took the bite out of Dabb’s finale. This show … they were so close to perfecting the ending they’d been building.)

*The evidence I have seen and heard indicates that COVID-19 very much damaged production, although naturally TPTB have downplayed that in press etc. If you live in a country that has enforced mass lockdowns, "social bubbles", discouraged travel domestically and internationally, and has had severely disrupted working structures due to government mandated guidelines, you will perhaps understand the extent to which this would be the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people really vehemently disagreed with the conclusions of this meta. In discussions about it, I mentioned that I had several other meta essays I wanted to write about the foreshadowing and cohesiveness of S15. However, then the fandom proceeded to go off-the-rails with vitriolic hatred, a bizarre sense of entitlement, and some upsettingly wild conspiracy theories.
> 
> So I didn't write anything else.


End file.
